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Author's Comments
EDIT: I've finally going to have more parts to this, so I'm changing the way I name these chapters. They'll all be dated, so it's a little easier to figure out the timeline of these journals.
Introducing Miss Catherine Wentworthy, the daughter of a reknowned Egyptologist, and lead in my attempt at a steampunk inspired series of diary entry stories. I have no idea if I'll pull all of it together eventually, but at the very least it was a fun attempt to write a very proper voice. BTW, this is for *simplyprose's May prompts of a senario "Suprise Party" and word prompts "Fear, storm, confession." I hope you enjoy! Comments
 Well, there was little steampunk (could have been a plain Victorian story) but is was an interesting read. Written adequately well it had the proper style and a nice flow.
-- Into the void  I really enjoyed this. You set up the character very smoothly through her voice, and you can tell she's normally a headstrong, confident woman in familiar surroundings. Her love for Egypt is evident, and you've also provided a couple of juicy story hooks (Husani, Siti's fate, her dread in the face of living in England for the foreseeable future).
 -- *TheWritersMeow - Where all the cool cats come to play.  This seemed truly realistic.
I could feel the emotions she felt throughout the entire story. I - most definitely - would be interested in reading more about her ^.^ Xx Natasha -- - Founder of #Literary-Perceptions Join us - Taste The Flame - I am a Prose Admin for =DailyLitDeviations Oh thanks so much! I'm really glad that Catherine came to life for you.. I try very hard to pull that off in my writing!
-- The Matchbox Twent Madness Contest has begun! For details and updated prize listings, go here: [link] BTW, I'm now a senior admin for *TheWritersMeow Yeah, the steampunk details would actually be appearing earlier in the over all story itself.. this is technically a bit into the story I think.
Thanks for the comment! -- The Matchbox Twent Madness Contest has begun! For details and updated prize listings, go here: [link] BTW, I'm now a senior admin for *TheWritersMeow Your very welcome ^.^
Well, you succeeded in it~ Xx Natasha -- - Founder of #Literary-Perceptions Join us - Taste The Flame - I am a Prose Admin for =DailyLitDeviations  This was a really good read. Very realistic in my opinion and along the lines of Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, or Any of Jane Austen's works.
 Nice character development. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but most steampunk stories are Edwardian not Victorian. A minor point, I know as the only difference is that the Edwardian era occurred around the turn of the 20th century, during the industrial revolution.
Mini-rant aside, I thought that this is an excellent introduction Miss Catherine Wentworthy. Is this a diary entry? I like that you gave her an added layer of depth and intrigue with the references to Husani. Very well done, indeed! -- Writer's blood marches through my veins like giant, radioactive rubber pants! Do not ignore my veins! Thanks for that! I really hate reading flat characters, so I'm glad you liked this introduction! Strangely enough, this will likely be later in the over all story. I just thought it was a good way for me to get some of the basic ideas out of my head, and participate in the prompt. (And yes it is a diary entry, I just hadn't decided which year it was going to be in lol.)
Edwardian? Really? That's seriously bizarre to me.. almost everyone I've talked to placed it more late victorian, steam era really. A suppose because that was when H.G. Wells and the other authors were writing. Man, that's so fascinating to hear a different take on it.. If it makes you feel any better about it, mine will definitely be towards the end of the 19th century. More like 1880s due to some of the Egyptian politics I'm going to be writing in. And wow that was a long response lol. -- The Matchbox Twent Madness Contest has begun! For details and updated prize listings, go here: [link] BTW, I'm now a senior admin for *TheWritersMeow |
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Critiques
If it's supposed to be a journal entry, make this more clear from the beginning by adding a date or something--opening with a quote seems like the story's happening immediately, although it's clear quite quickly that is a journal because of your good second-paragraph introduction.
Her restrained voice seems a little wavery: on the one hand, this is a journal so you'd expect a little more honesty, not to mention the fact that it seems she's had a tryst with an Egyptian (although if it's more of an infatuation than anything substantial, that would make sense) and that she is willing to "fight most vocally" (I liked that line!) with her aunt; on the other hand, she wants to be a proper society lady. Of course, this could all be the road to a big setup involving her growth, and so on.
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